Sub edited and synced by : PEEAN91+ KRIEGHOFF
Well, well. Boris the animal has a visitor
I think every 40 years is OK.
- It's a cake. - I decide what it is.
Look like some kind of cake.
She's clean. Well not clean", but you know..
Oh God!
- Boris the animal, you got a visitor. - It's just Boris.
Your letters have been a soul nourishing time.
And you are much more
unconventionally handsome than your photos.
This isn't a conjugal visit, so quit your conjugating.
When's the last time you conjugated anything
I see that you brought me a treat darling
Would you mind cutting this up for us is a special day.
I am a romantic like that.
- Ohh I wouldn't do that. - Why's that.
It will ruin your finger.
You complete me.
The big one!
Boris, you promised to take me with you we had a deal.
Obadiah Price! Yes! I did make you a promise.
Wait! I smell something.
- You can't win Boris! - Hmm, lets agree to disagree.
- There’s to many of us. - It's rather hot in here.
Mind if I open a window?
Sorry Darling we did love the cake.
Let's rewrite history, shall we K.
MEN IN BLACK III
Good afternoon. Please give your attention to my associate, Agent J.
He's going to demonstrate an
electro-bio-mechanical neural transmitting
zero synapses. Reposition er We call it neuralizer.
Keep it simple Slick. Thanks a lot.
Thank you, Agent K Ladies and gentlemen.
If you will, look right here.
Ok! You're on a airplane and the flight
attendant asks to turn off mobile.
And I you think: I do not close, has no connection with the plane?
That’s what we do that’s what happens
it Get up there. Bounces around on the satellites, and Bam.
Just turn your damn cell phone off Now you're gonna drop off a cliff
during the night because your GPS Don't work.
Check the composition of the fuel units
and run the scans the surface deposits.
I want to know who driving that thing.
Yes, sir.
- So, what you gonna say tonight? - Don't worry.
I'm very worried. It's important. I'm hungry. You hungry?
K!
Seriously, I'm not even sure that’s Meat,
I think I just saw a tooth in that thing.
- Or ... a claw, a hoof. - Thank you. It's good.
That does not belong in a pita, it belongs in a casket.
You know what goes good with this?
See here's the problem
You can't smell it, because your nose already smell like that.
Well my nose doesn't, sounds good.
Have you ever tried or talking helps you breathe?
If you hate me, just say you hate me don't take it out on the car.
- Let me enjoy this - Whoa enjoyment.
So that’s what enjoyment looks like on that face I like that emotion
- I keep emotion out of it - Out of what K? Life?..
Sure you do not want to run it by me
Let me know what you're gonna say tonight.
Don't worry. Oh, I'm worried, very worried.
It's the main eulogy. You have to show some feeling.
You know those things that human people do
when they change the expression on their face
I worked with Z for 40 years
I have written a hell of a speech for him.
- People will be moved... - Hm Hm.
And now a few words from Agent K
I worked with Z for over 40 years and all
that time he never invited me to dinner,
he never asked me to his house to watch a game,
He never shared a single detail of his personal life.
He's moved.
Thank you.
And now, we will hear from our new chief, agent Oh.
Thank you, Agent K. That was very moving.
- That was your eulogy? - He was a good man.
Ladies gentlemen, other life forms.
When I told the finucian Zyclop about Z's passing
she said something that I'm going to repeat.
And I'm paraphrasing.
[ALIEN LANGUAGE]
That's just so Zed Thank you.
Have you lost something over there Hondo?
Can you promise me if I go first
you'll do better than that at my funeral.
Yeah something like ahh. J was a friend.
Now there’s a big part of me that’s gone.
Ohh J! All the thing that I should have said.
Except I was too old, and cranky, surly and just tight
I was too tight.
Now I'm gonna just miss ya caramel brown skin
I will invent something.
K, it's Oh, we got several reports that human
Suffering from intestinal worms
of alien origin.
Thank you, Oh.
How did you get to be like you? Seriously,
something happened, K. What happened?.
You know how I lived such a happy life.
How you lived such a happy life
I don't ask questions I don't want to know the answer to.
That's deep.
- Wait do I know you. - Your services are legendary
- So says your father, Obadiah. - You were in lunar max.
There is no prison that can hold me.
Good for you. What you need from me, man?
The Device. I'm going back in time to kill a man before he takes my arm.
Ohh! K! J! So happy to see you. Mr Wu can
get you your regular table.
- You no hungry? - Show us the tank Wu!
Sure, sure! I take a look! Very fresh.
Show us the tanks in the back.
Ah so sorry no speaking English, you come
back later OK.
Leave the bullshit for the tourists, Wu.
Hey why do you guys want to bust my ball for.
You don't have no balls, Wu.
Oh, man, you look like you come from another planet. Damn!
and Bob here this is a clear violation of Health ordinance 32,
selling unlicensed extraterrestrial food stuff
That is an Earth fish Very traditional in China.
If you arrest me, that’s a hate crime
it Would be if you were Chinese.
K, come on.
- Who is this belong to? - No one.
- Who’s it for. - I keep them just in case.
In case what? I don't know, anybody.
He and I, are having issues in our relationship right now
but you shouldn't have to suffer for that.
Thank you, J!
So if you don't like getting fish slapped,
I'm gonna need you to keep to our agreement.
Earth people, get Earth Fish, real Earth fish.
On behalf of my pathetic self, and worthless children.
You stay and allow me no time, but
serving you with favourite noodle cake.
I don't want any of your nasty-ass noodles Wu
We're going to be here for awhile.
That was just mean
What you did to Wu back there
Snatch his skirt off, that's just disrespectful
I used to play a game with my dad
what would you have for your last meal.
He could do worse than this.
Ohh Ok! I used to play a game with my dad
called Catch!
Except I would throw the ball and it would
just hit the wall, cos he wasn't there.
Don't badmouth your old man.
I'm not badmouthing him, its that I didn't
really know him.
That's not right.
- A little boy needs a father. - Table 1 hasn't ordered a thing
Table three over there,
just drank his fourth cup of duck sauce.
K, crashed ship from this morning were stolen from
Lunar-Max prison Boris the animal. - How did you know??
He always had a taste for spiky Give us a minute will you chief.
- We have us a situation. - Yeah.
I'll take the cloropod, you take the hidronianul over there.
I'll take whoever in the kitchen and meet you on the street
This is a very confusing time in my life
keep your mouth close, keep your head down!
Hello, K!
Boris the animal. Its just Boris.
You haven't changed very much.
I see the arm, I shot off, is still shot off.
Yes! My arm.
We've thought about that moment every day for the last 40 years.
That’s just not living a full life
I can promise you it will be longer than yours. Lonelier too.
- Since your last Boglodite standing. - We'll see about that
but first I wanted the pleasure of killing you.
K!
- Where the hell have you been? - Fishing!
You don't know it, K, but you're already dead.
Are you alright?
Can I have everyone’s attention, please!
Thank you. Ok! You know how your kid won that Goldfish
in that little baggy from the school fair,
and you don't want that nasty thing
your house So you told your kid it ran away.
But what you really did was flush it down the toilet.
Well, this is what happens.
OK what I'm talking about? Don't lie to your kid
I'm getting too old for this, I can only imagine how you feel
Boris the animal. I put him away a long time
ago, its the worst mistake I ever made.
- Why? Was he innocent? - I should have killed him.
- Well, lets go get him - No!
No?
Leave it alone. It's above your pay grade.
We're partners, we have the same pay grade.
It has nothing to do with you!
- mind your own business. - OK.
First of all get rid of a little bass out your voice
and secondly as long as spiky boy is running
round town, this is my whole business.
You will Forget about Boris.Or my report will
reflect, that your conduct was unbecoming.
And maybe my report is gonna reflect some shit to OK.
- You are suspended for two weeks. - Bullshit.
Four ... weeks.
How about I quit?
There are things ot there, that you don't need to know.
That’s not the lie you told when you recruited me.
- What's up, pops? - Losing your partner?
Yeah
- Search Boris the animal! - Boris the animal! Boglodite assassin.
Boglodites are rogue alien race that consume all planet in its path
Boris the animal was the only suspect in a series of alien murders.
- Committed on Earth. - Incident report
Boris the animal was convicted for the following
murders that occurred on July 15th 1969.
Murder no. 1: Coney Island, 10:37 AM Roman the fabulous.
- Murder #2. the factory. - Refine search.
Agent K.
Junior Agent K Jr. apprehended and arrested Boris the animal
on July 16 1969 at Cape Canaveral, Florida.
- Cape Canaveral? - Agent K received
the highest commendation for heroic action
including implementation the Arc net Defense System,
which protected the Earth from a Boglodite invasion,
- And led to the races extinction. - Details.
- Access restricted. - Excuse me.
Clearance level Senior Agent, class 1, J.
- Access denied. - What?
Why this sudden interest in your partners old exploits.
What happened between Boris and K?
That's easy. K imprisoned Boris,
He put up the Arc net protected He Earth from the Boglodites ...
He did his job.
That's not what I'm asking you.
Cape Canaveral. What happened?
Something that changed him.
Leave it at that.
So you two go way back.
That's classified.
A word of advice, agent J don't ask questions,
you don't want to know the answer to.
That is Funny!, that is exactly what K says.
He's a very wise man.
Take the rest of the night off.
- What? - Guess I owe you some answers Hoss.
What you feeling chatty all of a sudden Sorry, I can't talk right now.
I got some secret cases of my own I'm working on
I hate to tear you away from the video game.
Alright, I'm hanging up.
You know the most destructive force in the universe?
- Sugar? - Regret.
You don't have to wait just talk.
I promised you the secrets of the universe.
Nothing more.
So what is there secrets out there that the universe don't know about?
Can I help you??
K?
5K.
I'm sorry, is that chocolate milk.
I'm so sorry. I do not know why ...
Mummy, look what the man do to my milk
I'm sorry!
He didn't say "Please."
- K get in yet? - Who?
- Are you new? - Very funny, Agent J.
J, everything you told me yesterday, you
were right as rain.
Thank God for the 10hr stake-out.
And who are you?
Exactly. I'm like a whole new man today. This great weight has been lifted
I've had these anger issues my entire life,
but now I can see I was just mad at myself.
And my step mother.
Sir, I'm gonna need you to stop talking
its like I closed this emotional window.
But yesterday I threw a brick right through that the window
and I just want to thank you for handing me that brick.
Okay, whoever you are, I need you get away
five feet or I'm gonna fuck-in your throat.
OK, I'm going to find me a little men in black bathroom
and then we'll go find those morons The bogs and Th-era. Lunch is on me.
- Who was that? - Double A, your partner.
I'm gonna need you go get me some chocolate
milk, alright just a really big glass.
And have you seen K? Did he call in sick or anything.
Who is K?
Okay, okay!
K, alright you got me
I'll give it to you its funny. Very elaborate,
Oh and all of you, fantastic performances
I can't believe you waited 14 years to develop a sense of humor,
but this is a good one
but K, I need to come round here now, cos I'm
really starting to get a little bit pissed off.
Agent J, would you mind keeping your voice
down And tell me who it is you're looking for.
- I'm looking for K. - Who is K?
- You too, you too!! - I mean who is he to you.
My partner. Older gentleman.
110, maybe 111 years. Sort of a surly, Elvis thing happening.
He smiles, like this... Seen him around??
- I'll take you to K. - Thank you!
What is that supposed to be.
That’s K He's been dead for over 40 years.
Hmm ok see, the prerequisite of a joke
- Its that it'll be funny - It never been funny
Computer, Agent K and Boris the Animal.
Men in black. Incident Report July 1969.
Location: Cape Canaveral.
Perpetrator Boris the animal escaped and fled Earth.
Assumed to have returned to home planet 20 light years away.
Agent K, pronounced dead at scene and awarded posthumous commendation
for meritorious actions that prevented greater loss of human lives.
That's not what happened.
I just looked at this report K put boris away.
Agent K is dead.
- I just talked to him last night. - You are imagining things.
I'm not imagining anything.
- I need a team of psychologists here. - Yes, ma'am!
Aqua Velva aftershave. I didn't imagined that.
For every stakeout endless hours of cowboy music.
Every morning with his coffee he'd say.
I tell you something Slick this coffee tastes like dirt.
And I was supposed to say what do you expect?
It was just ground this morning.
How do you know that?
Chocolate milk, sir!
Where you been man, It's like an hour ago.
Wait how long have you been craving chocolate dairy products.
Just for Today.
Are you experiencing headache, dizziness.
Loss of balance?...Hmm.
- Agitation? depression? - Hell yeah!
There are only two possibilities.
One is You've been bitten by the Hovakian Tick
and could die in horrible agony at any moment.
Damn it! It's not the Tick
Damn it! It it not the Tick.
There’s something worse than a Tick?
Your obsession with chocolate milk indicates that you
might be involved in some sort of temporal fracture.
I don't know what your talking about
chocolate milk relieves temporal fracture headache...
What's a temporal fracture?
A break in the time lines
I don't know what your talking about.
Time travel...Time travel.
There’s no such thing as time travel.
- Well there is. - No, there’s not
because if there were.
A class one senior agent such as myself, would
have been made aware of it wouldn't he have??
Were it not not classified and way above his pay grade.
You know what? I need a raise.
There was one man, scumbag Obadiah Price.
He discovered it out. We busted him
We made time travel illegal,
throughout the universe
and he is serving life on Lunar Max.
That’s where Boris was locked up.
If Boris could work it out how to time jump
He could seriously change the course of history.
Attention early warnings system engage inbound hostile warship entering.
Solar System.
Boglodite markings and language detected.
Boglodite? Boris is a Boglodit, but they're extinct.
- Apparently not.. catastrophic .Earth attack- Imminent.
- Put up the Arc net! - The What?
The Arc net! The Defense system! K got it specifically for the Boglodites.
There is no K! He's been dead for over 40 years.
No K. No defense system Boris jumped back and killed him.
If you want to save the world.
You're going to have to stop that from happening.
You have to find Jeffrey Price, He's Obadiah's son.
Lets hope that little squirt haven't skipped town
Cheers, J! This planet is toast.
Hello how can I help you? We have an amazing sale and batteries.
Whoa Okay, we got other stuff like headphones, adapters.
You helped Boris the animal time jump.
Whoa, whoa ok I had to. That dude a freak
He killed my partner!
I want to know when and where you sent him.
What you think like I keep a log book.
Target Vector target: July 16th 1969. Alright, alright.
That’s a real bummer, about your buddy.
I'm sure that he was a really great guy
but in the whole of space-time continuum your friend
was just a little blip, on the historical radar.
Oh, that's a big blip.
Ok! What's the plan?
Your gonna send me back to July 15th, 1969.
No! That’s a a stupid plan because I sent Boris to July 16th
I'm not worried about that.
I'm gonna go back and kill the younger Boris.
Before the older one even shows.
That way neither of them will even exist.
That's why you get to wear the Black suit.
No? You're going to let me hanging?
Ok! Oh! I just thought of something.
You know, either way back then, New York was like a big-ish city.
So How? Are you gonna really find him.
On July 15th Boris killed
an alien. Roman the fabulous at Coney Island.
And you get there first, and be waiting for him.
Dude they should give you two black suits.
My man for real.
Ohh Right! Sorry!
This is the real deal. Time jump gear Very rare, very old.
But first we gotta get high.
- Hey No! - No, no, I mean really high.
Hey man little help here
Thank you! Ok!
You know the rules of time jump, right?
Give me the short version.
Ok! If you want to save your partner a word of advise.
Stay away from him. Yeah I got it?
Yeah, I got it. Stay away from K.. just kill Boris.
Now Take these, because it gets pretty windy on the way down
The way down??
With your eyes tearing up, its hard to read the time dial
plus it helps you look like a time traveler. Which is cool!
I am not jumping off of this building.
Time jump.
Ok! Now you got to set this thing to the 15th.
That seems right-ish...
Now all you gotta do is jump.
Hey! Hey! Stop, stop.
As soon as you're moving fast enough that
circle is gonna throw up some sort of
green time travel liquid and its gonna glow really bright.
As soon as that happens, you need to break that blue laser line
with your thumb to complete the circuit.
At the height that should be ..err Lets see.
Mass of Earth 30 something feet per minute.
There's 32 feet per second, per second.
That sounds right...ish.
So that would be I guess about 2 feet off the ground.
- Or break the laser line. - No! Don't break it.
- What does mean when I fast enough? - Sounds good.
Boy, Do I break the laser line, or do I not break the laser line.
Do not lose that time device! Or You will be stuck in 1969.
Wasn't the best time for your people.
I'm just saying. Its a lot cooler now..
How will I know if it works.
You'll either know, or you wont.
You must really love this guy to do this.
Wait!
How can I remember K, but nobody else does.
- That means you were there. - I was where?
If you survive you gotta come back and tell me everything...Ok?.
What was that.
You gotta go...Go..go ..go
July 15th, 1969, 9:12 AM.
Come on
Wall Street Crash! Billions lost in new stock crash.
War is over!
- My man, what's the day? - Tuesday!
- The date. - The 15th
- Of? - July
- Dog, the year? - 1969.
Thank you. Looking at me like I'm crazy.
Yes!
- Get us checked in. - Yeah! Yeah!
Hey! Hey! Do me a favor, alright be careful with the luggage.
Absolutely sir.
- We'll take great care. - Last time I was here it got scratched up
I had to replace it.
Here you are, sir. Just call out when you need it.
- But there are more luggage in the trunk. - Yeah! It'll be in your room sir
Just can go ahead...
Excuse me! Who is that? Who you are?
Lets go.
- Far out man! - If you want to keep that
- I wouldn’t - Make your love, not war!
I prefer to do both.
How are you officers? How can I do you for?
Well look at this, power windows power seats.
- I bet you this thing cost $ 6000. - Yeah! And has a roof, but its hidden.
Hey! What kind of work do you do An individual with your particular
ethnic persuasion.
Maybe he's a noted athlete.
Yes! Starting Forward for the Detroit Darkies.
- Where'd you get the car. - And the suit?
I stole them both, car from your wife suit from your grandmother.
Hey What do we have here? Concealed weapon?
Hey! Its His grandmother's suit.
- What's this. - Probably drugs.
Listen, I have rights and I demand to see my lawyer before you
you press that small button on the side firmly.
Press it!
That, gentlemen, is a standard issue neuralizer.
But you're not gonna remember that.
Just because you see a black man driving in a nice car.
Does not mean its stolen
I stole that one but not cos I'm black!
I'll be done with the car in a minute.
Find it and take it back to Roosevelt Hotel.
- Where is the arcanianan? - You are too late!
He went to give humans the Arc net.
Let's agree to disagree.
- We'll take it from here. - K? K!
Dad ..I'm on Earth I need bail.
You need to turn the electricity down on that damned thing.
Can't feel my freaking tongue, K.
How do you know my name?
What? Because I called you K?
I call everybody K. It's kinda my thing.
What up K?
K, whats up?
I just some people like it Most people.
Now I know what you look like when you're lying.
Show me what you look like when you're telling the truth
I won those at Coney Island on the ring toss
I won a stuff bear once but never one of these. Must be good Slick
Alright sir. I was minding my own business
I was out there waiting for my girl who by the way is probably worried sick,
looking for me, right now.
So...I need my things, and I need to get back to her.
What's your girls name.
Your girl, whats her name?
Shhteron!?
Shhteron?
I bet that Shhteron likes that suit of yours.
What? Is it a crime to wear a black suit?
Alright listen! I haven't done anything wrong,
and I need to get out of here.
Sir! I cannot be here with you.
Terribly sorry. X frightfully upset,
about the whole Coney Island incident...
Thanks for the heads up.
Oh Man This coffee tastes like dirt.
What do you expect.
It was ground this morning.
Oh??
No, I called ladies Oh.
For me Oh Is feminine K is masculine.
And when I see a couple. I'm like OK.
- What a mess. Any casualties? - Yes. Roman the fabulous.
- Any Human casualties. - No, sir.
Who the hell is this?
look I was just...
A stray human, he was caught in the net
Code 43 says we throw him back
You're going to be late for a meeting with the Viagrance.
They have a revolutionary new pill...
It's really...
Okay, Slick
- I was waiting for my girl. - Shhteron?
Yes, She's Greek.
Okay. Just One last thing. An eye exam.
That's not eye exam, K? That's a big damn Neuralizer.
You sure have a lot of information
for a fella who does not know anything.
I see what your saying, but you know what, K?
We need to hold up a second.
Let just get this bite guard in here.
Hey back up! back up
K, listen.
I think we got off on the wrong foot.
OK let just stop for a second and talk
Don't put me in here K.
Let begin.
K, no! Listen to me. I can help you with this case
K! I'm doing a truth face, you're missing it.
I just use my imagination.
K, the killer your looking for I'm after the same guy. He's a Boglodit.
His name is Boris.
Ship for sale Amigo.
K, if we don't get him now there going be two of them.
You have my undivided attention.
One'll have one arm, one will have two. K, listen to me!
If we erase me...we erase the whole world.
15 seconds to neutralization.
14, 13, 12
11, 10, 9
When you see Boris tomorrow K, kill him
Do not arrest him. Kill him.
It this thing off?
I do not think it's all the way off K.
It's whirling and buzzing
I don't know if I don't know nothing
I knew Roman. His wife cooked me dinner once,
and while it was not pleasant he was my friend
Last chance who are you and what do you know?
I am an agent of "Men in Black" but I'm from the future.
We're partners.
25 years from now you're gonna recruit me
and 14 years after,
the guy you didn't let me kill today in Coney Island
he escapes from prison, and jumps back in the past
and unleashes a full scale invasion of Earth.
We have about 19 hours to catch him and kill him.
So we have to go right now.
Alright.
So that's the story you believe?
That one was the truth. It wasn't the whole truth,
but I guess it'll do for now.
What are you talking about? Of course its the whole truth.
I told you everything. The problem with a lie, is once you start lying...
You put yourself...
Agent K! What's he still doing here?
I might've cooked him too long. I thought I might walk him out
I put my pants on.
Ok, future man where to??
I don't know!?
What do you mean you know? You don't know
I don't know. Go wherever you went last time.
I haven't been here last time I didn't tell you where I went.
No! We don't really talk.
What kind of partners sit in a car all day every day,
for 14 years and don't talk?
Exactly! And this is the type of problem it causes.
Dysfunctional.
All right sport. You better get useful real quick,
or you're going back to room 43.
Man!
There was something in the file about a factory.
Something happened at a factory.
Hey look Man, you can put your Jedi Knight on all you want,
that’s all I got.
That spark something?
Roman had this on his purse when he was murdered.
- its a matchbook. - No.
It's a clue, he didn't smoke.
Did you lose something over here Hondo.
No!
Hey man! How old are you?
- 29. - You have some city miles on you.
I'm starting to understand why we don't talk.
- How well do you know the place? - I know its reputation.
I don't like it I hate going in blind I'm going to need my gun
- Sure thing slick. - Whoa, K!
No! Wait! I've to go in with you
- You just sit tight I'll be fine. - Wait! No!
K! K, don't go in by yourself
- Hi fellas need to see the boss. - He's busy!
All right. Why don't I just take a look around.
Looks like we got ourselves in a stand-off.
Looks that way.
Still keep the key under the ash tray
lucky guess.
Now where were we?
I was just about to tell you to screw off.
Hey, Slick You bowl in the future?
Absolutely MIB League champ, 3 years running.
Oh let's see it.
You cannot just walk into my establishment and rip my head off.
My man look, we don't have a lot of time for this!
You need to tell him something.
- I tell him this. - Alright. Your head.
Wait! Hey If you do this
I'm gonna hunt you down and I will make sure you walk funny.
Too bad, slick
You messed with the wrong head.
His head is little. Could you tell us where Don is?
I'll kill you both! I swear I'll kill both of you.
Ow!...Jesus. She looks dirty Do you want me to clean her?...
- Yeah, sure thing. - No! No! No! Ahh come on.
I just cleaned the bathroom with this thing
Alright he's in the back but he's not going
to talk to any men in black scum like you,
now give me back my head.
K, I call this one lower hanging fruit.
That ain’t a finger hole you sick bastard
Um-mm I'm gonna kill both of you.
- Well we're on the right track. - Just the wrong train.
If you had any secrets, I'm guessing spilled em.
A smart man would figure out what Your victims have in common.
A smart man would.
That's a big ass phone.
- Don't you put it to your head. - Agent Oh.
How was your day, Agent K?
Well fair to middling.
- How are things going with you? - Very good. Thank you
Hey you saw her like an hour ago.
I need clean up and containment at this place
now listen I got a dead Parlaxian.
Roman was a Bivoid.
Now Correct me if I'm wrong from the same planetary group.
Yes, the three planet system in the triangular Galaxy.
Both were wiped out by the Boglodites.
And that third planet wasn't it Glamoria.
Thank you, Miss Oh.
I know where Boris is headed to next. lt's your clue Slick.
It's not a factor, its the factor. (Andy Warhol's studio)
Alright Look, if Boris turns up, and I'm going to kill him, I need my gun.
No deal
I have been an agent for 14 years,
which means I am the senior agent on this case.
Now I hate to pull rank but as senior agent,
I am instructing my junior agent. That’s you
to give me my gun, right now that’s an order.
No. No, no. Space gun.
You're welcome.
I didn't say "Thank you".
Such an odd gang of species to be put up here on Earth.
Yeah. I was an agent for three years
before I realised all models were aliens
I found out the hard way.
- Password. - Hey, look, funky 60s dude.
- We don't have a lot of time. - Janice Chaplin.
Anybody here who's not an alien.
Very nice. Wait, look at the camera.
Is that Andy Warhol?
Yup.
Excuse me, Mr. Warhol, can we have a minute?
No its not a good time. This is divine.
Just a few questions.
No questions, no answers.
We have an urgent matter we'd like to
discuss with you regarding one of your party guests.
Why don't you come back next week After the happening has happened
I'm sorry Mr Warhol. You'd like to have a little slow,
we got important stuff to do.
And I got a planet to save.
Everything about you upsets me
God Damn it, K! Are you trying to blow my cover?
- Agent W, your cover is safe. - Whoa. Andy Warhol is one of us?
K, are you out of your mind?
I am full of ideas and I'm painting soup
cans and bananas for Christs sake
Actually Mr. Warhol, I gotta tell you I really love your work.
Ohh.. Thank you. Who's the dumb ass?
Whoa, Hey! How about a little professional courtesy here.
- What that dumb ass. - Say it again.
You want me to... I dare you
- Dumb ass - Agents.
You know, I will have no problem pant
slapping the shiznit out of Andy Warhol.
What?
Why are you looking at me?
Ohh alright you know what Agent K, while you see what information,
you can get from agent W
and I'll go take case perimeter.
- That work for everybody? - Go do that
- How about that? - Cute. Very nice.
Don't forget his nap?
- Hey! How are you doing? - Chilling
Who is that guy? Don't tell me he's your new partner.
Actually, he's my old partner.
He traveled back from the future to save the planet.
Jesus, don't tell me I don't want to know.
Andy Yoco's here.
Well tell her that I'm filming this man eating a hamburger.
It's transcendent. Alright Now the pickles...
So how are you doing in my turf, K?
Tracking a killer Boglodite. We have reason, to
believe he's gonna hit here next. Glamorian.
Glamorian? Right solar system wrong planet.
I think he's after a Arcanian.
- Arcanians are extinct. - Apparently they're not.
One wash ashore last week the whole Roswell circus.
Alien unicorn, the last of the species. His names Griffin.
Griffin the Arcanian
How's it going?
How's it going? Well it depends. For me personally is good.
Things are good. Unless, of course we're in a possible future.
Where the muscle boy near the door
get into an argument with his girlfriend.
It causes her to storm away and
bump into the guy stuffed mushrooms and then dump the clamp to the sailor
and a match broke out and crash into the coffee table here
in which case I got to move my plate like right now
Or if its the possible future in which this pastrami
sandwich I'm eating causes me gastric distress
but thankfully your friends will offer some of
the antacids he carries in his right pocket,
So I'll be good.
Except in the case of the possible future
where I have to leave in 2 and a half minutes,
just before, he has the chance to offer me the antacids ..
So on the whole I'd have to say, not good
I am not good.
But that depends.
K.
- How we gonna find this guy. - What am I a schmuck.
- Why? He's here? - Here is a relative term.
He's a fifth dimensional being. They can live and then visualize
in infinite space time.
Simultaneously...Sounds like fun good work.
Whoa! K! K!
You gotta fake my death. Okay? K!
I can't listens to Zaltar music anymore.
I'll See what I can do. I'll talk to X.
K, I can't tell the woman from the man
- May I see your watch? - Oh it is 7:18.
No, no, no! Your other watch The one you're father gave you.
How do you know about my Fathers watch?
Ohhh, dear.
This is the one where Roman is dead ...
And the gentleman at the bowling alley.
So much death
such an infinitesimally small chance for a success.
- K! - Griffin, right?
- We are here ... because. - Of Boris the animal.
Correct we have reason to believe he may be coming,
He'll be here in two minutes
unless of course we are in a possible
future where he made all the light in Balvory and got here early
and just about to discharge a weapon from the doorway.
In which case case we're all dead in two seconds.
- Ah! Good that was a close one. - Alright K!! I need the gun space.
The Boglodites consume any planet in their path.
Mine, Roman's ...the polaxians I tried to stop them, but.
If we can stop them here, if we can deny them Earth,
we can stop them forever.
They'll starve before they reach the next planet!
- 63 seconds! - How do we do that? Stop them.
Sorry, I have something for you. A gift! It can protect! You
I had to hide it from Boris, but if he find me again ... I'll give it to you.
Thank you... What a game. Amazing, It's a real miracle.
Whoa. What do you mean? What miracle?
About 30 seconds. I have to go!
Wait! Wait!! No we got you.
Negative probabilities are multiplying.
- As we speak! 20 seconds. - Alright.
- We got it, just go - Your watch is broken.
And I have gastric distress.. Find your place in the world.
Oh, dear.
This is the one where Boris
is coming through that over 12, 11, 10 ...
Wait! Did You have chocolate milk this morning?
- Yes! - Cindy!
- K! Went for it. - Got it.
Damn it!
- Good good what you got? - Nothing.
- Damn it! We had him. - Relax, Cochise. We'll find him.
First of all, my name is J! OK Its not Son, its not Slick,
and it damned sure ain’t Cochise.
And I'm not going to relax because we are running out of time
we're running out of clues, and it's an invasion coming
and you're not recognize really recognizing my voiciall intensity.
But there was one guy who can help! Hey! Griffin!
Griffin! Where's Griffin! Where's Griffin? Heh K? He's gone.
If Boris get to him before we do That's no Bueno!
- We need pie. - What?
My grandaddy always said if you got a problem that you can't solve.
Helps get it out of your head A pie is good.
- A pie? - Yup.
- Your grandaddy had he been there. - A little bit.
You know what we been through the smart
stuff We've been following clues.
Doing real police work. It might be time we do something stupid.
Something that ain’t got nothing to do with nothing.
Now do you know what? Now I want some pie K I want some pie.
Let's go get some dumb ass pie.
Sounds good.
Have you any specials?
My associate always has the same thing.
He always has, after he looks at the menu for 10 minutes,
and asks about the specials twice.
He's gonna have a slice of apple pie with a nasty piece of cheddar
I'm gonna have the Strawberry rhubarb.
Since its my last meal, I'm gonna splurge a little bit.
World class serial killer out there and we're having pie.
What you do with your spare time?
You see I sense your not embracing the concept here.
Pie don't work unless you let it
I'm gonna let it.
And you said we don't talk, right go ask,
ask me any question, anything you want
just as long as it doesn't have anything
to do with the case.. Just let her rip
Whats up with you and Oh?
- Me and Oh? - Yeah. You and Oh.
Alright.
It was a while back,
I was assigned to keep tabs on a musician Mick Jagger.
He was in this British group,
- Rolling Stones. - Rings a bell.
We believe he's on the Planet to breed with earth women.
So I was in London and and that’s when I met Oh.
She's smart, funny, great smile.
And we find ourselves in this pub,
warm beer and the worst food you ever ate.
We just played darts till the sun came up.
Neither of us wanted to leave.
What the hell happened to you, man?
I do not know, it hasn't happened yet.
But what about you shrek In the future you got yourself a girl
I got you.
I can not believe this New York Mets!
It's a rough time to be a Mets fans.
Tell me about it? Never gonna catch the Cubs.
Funny. The Mets actually win it all this year.
- Oh Yeah. - No I'm serious. Man its true
I'm sure.
Three months from now your buddies down
there are gonna be calling me
"Amazing Mets" and "Miracle Mets".
What?
We got there Hoss?
The Arcanian said: "It's amazing. It's a miracle.
I'll see you at the game"
- I know where he is. - Told you to trust the pie.
If Griffin is here for the game He's either too early or too late.
He's here. You just gotta find him before Boris does.
It's time to give you things back, partner.
I see if you get some pie in you. You get all mushy
I'm just tired of carrying the crap.
Go, go, Mets! Lets go, Mets! Lets go, Mets!
- Lets go, Mets! - Griffin.
You're just in time, unless this is the one where Robinson bad hops
pass third it almost over
- We missing something? - The game.
So this is how you see things, this is amazing.
It's a gigantic pain in the ass.
But it has its moments.
But this game doesn't happen until October. Right!
It's always October and November, in March.
So many futures, and they're all real.
Just find out which one we'll call off till then they're all happening.
Like this one, my favourite moment in human history.
All the things that have to converge.
For the Mets to win the World Series. They were in last place
every single season until they won it all.
- You said you have a gift for us. - That baseball, for instance
thrown for the last out in a game 5.
Manufactured in 1962 by the Spalding
Factory in Chicopee, Massachusetts
was aerodynamically flawed
Due to horsehide being improperly tanned
because Sheila the tanning's wife left him
for a Puerto Rican golf pro, that sunday
- The Gift? - Ohh yes of course, in the box.
Its the surprise. To protect the Earth. It's a shield.
Shield ... Arcanian ... Arc Net.
That's what you did. You put up the Arc net.
How did I that?
When that ball is pitched to Davey Johnson,
who only became a baseball player,
because his father could not find a football
to give him for his 8th birthday
He hit his bat two micrometer to high causing him to pop up
Cleon Jones, who would have been born Clara,
a statistical typist if their parents didn't have an
extra glass of wine that night before going to bed.
A miracle is what seems impossible, but happens anyway.
I lost my planet.
I don't want you to lose yours.
It will take a miracle, but if you pull this off.
You'll be my new favourite moment in human history.
Oh, dear.
I forgot to see this one coming.
Damn it.
- You have these in the future? - No.
Get on
keep all the settings to zero gain
center stop between 80 and 100 PSI.
I didn't understand any of that.
- Gyro zero. Gain. - It is.
Pitching yours with short bursts the central stop.
I did.
Between 80 and 100 PSI.
Got it.
The Arc Net. Give it to me
I don't this is the way you're getting that
- Are you Ok? - Hell yeah. It'd be better on four wheels.
Two is like my minimum!
What happens if Boris get the Arc Net?
Boglodite invasion
total destruction of Earth.
The box.
Good boy.
You got to stop him K.
I've been tried. You want me to try?
Hey Slick, in the future do they have any "Texas Two Step??"
Yes, sir.
- Did you get him? - Give me a second.
- Is he dead? - Negative.
He got away
Well I've got Griffin. Lets get out of here.
I feel younger already
July 16th, 1969, 3:06.
You Pathetic waste of Boglodite flesh.
I'd kill you right now if I didn't value my own life me and price your own life.
Who are you?
Look at you. Every mistake that I've made it.
- Just waiting to happen. - What happened to my arm?
- You lose it. Shot off by a human. - No human can defeat me.
You spend the next 40 years in prison.
Chained up like an animal.
- No prison can hold me. - They build one especially for us.
On the moon.
No human has been to the moon So they cannot have built it there already.
Don't arguing, and you can avoid all this if you just listen to me.
You were defeated, you let it get shot off, that wasn't me. That was you.
What is your plan?
Prevent the Arc Net from being deployed.
- Kill anyone who tries. - Good plan. Didn't work.
With my help we take Arc Net.
Kill Agent K the invasion will be successful.
And we get to keep both of our arms.
Stop staring at it.
Listen.
- Are you alright? - Yeah.Thank you for saving my life.
It's what we do.
You have Arc Net?
When you're being hunted by Boris the animal you get good at hiding things.
This will save your world.
Once its Outside the atmosphere it gets a whole lot bigger.
All you have to do is deploy it.
Where? In space? How you suppose we do that.
It's just one small step.
Moon Launch Today.
Moon launch.
Cape Canaveral!
July 16th, 1969.
We have 6 hours to get to Florida.
- Better get a move on Slick. - Wait! Hold up.
Not us, I'm gonna do this one alone
No! He has to be the one..
What do you mean alone?
Mean I'm gonna go to Florida and you're gonna stay here.
I need you to trust me on this one.
Trust you? I don't think so. Is there something you're not telling me Slick?
I'm telling you you're not going to Florida.
That ain’t going to happen partner.
K please I will not allow you to go to Florida.
- Stops me! - K!
You die there! At Cape Canaveral. Apollo launch!
Boris kills you there.
That’s what I'm here for That's what I came back to stop.
Oh, dear We are in this one.
K, I saw the file, I looked at the report.
I know I said that I told you everything, but you got to.
- That's for lying to me - Look I'm sorry Man.
And that's for telling me the truth.
I'm trying to protect you, man!
The bitterest truth is better than the sweetest lie.
He has to go to Cape Canaveral.
He must deploy the Arc Net as he did before.
There is no other way.
K is the only hope in saving Earth.
Can I save him? Is there any future where I save his life?
Yes ...
but where there is death. There will always be death.
According to you I've done this before So we know its possible.
If you're half of the agent you say you are
you make sure I don't get killed doing it.
So, are we partners? You tell me
Lets go.
- Agent K, how are you? - I'm good.
Ok! Group hug on your way to do what we're doing
Morning. Man is about to embark them self to a trip to the Moon.
With the expectation of landing there.
Look I got to ask you. If we pull this off.
Fix things the way they were
Oh and I....?
A wise once told me:
Don't ask questions that do not want to know the answer to.
- I said that didn't I. - Yes, sir.
- Here there are! - What are they?
- Jet Pack! - Jet Pack? (Jet Pack)
We're not doing Jet-packs There's a reason
we don't have these things in the future.
K, we got to drive
I can't drive from Florida to Manhattan in 5 hours Chief.
Yeah! We can! The Red button standard issue in every MIB car,
you press the red button.
Goes into hyper-drive.
No red buttons yet Slick.
Come on man.
Did you even know how to work this stupid thing.
Like with anything. You have to strap yourself in, and hope for the best..
- Isn't that right Miss Oh? - Unfortunately it is.
- Are you ready slick. - Lets do it.
This is going to be interesting.
So glad this isn't one of the time we explode
One of the times?
Oh we've got company.
What the hell!?
Is that a battery belt?
Alright I got it.
No!
In any reality that gets the shield deployed.
Its one way to tell the truth.
- The truth? - The truth is the only path.
This is a restricted area.
Yes, sir, it is.
Good day, gentlemen. It's a great day for America. Isn't it.
My name is agent J, this is agent K. That's Griff.
We're from a secret government organization.
That polices and monitors alien activity.
On and off of Planet Earth.
Now here’s the thing we got this special little metal thing,
that Griff gave us and we have to get it on top of that rocket
to prevent an alien invasion.
- That worked. - Like a charm.
Sir, Delta gang, we may have a problem Three trespassers.
No ID's, but they got weapons, sir. Some kind I've never seen before.
What breed of damn fool you had to be
to penetrate my launch site on the day of
the most massive feat ever attempted by mankind.
Blessed by God, the population of the entire planet and my own first born.
Colonel, they had these.
They said they need to put something on the rocket for an invasion.
- Thank you! - I got 10 minutes to launch.
If you pose a threat to that rocket, you tell me now
and do not lie to me!
I told the truth last time.
Sir, this man came from the future to protect me so
I could attach a shield to the top of that rocket shield and save the world.
But I need your help to do that.
- Take him to the brig. - You're slipping, Griff!
Sir, if I may...
Corporal, your men are no longer needed
I'll take the prisoners
- Sir! - Dismissed.
Follow me.
OK you did the future thing on him! What did you show him?
Only what he needed to see I have to go now!
- What? No! No! Come on. - You don't need me anymore.
Alright Griff, don't start flipping on me, I need you to.
When Boris's arm is taken the past will be as it was. K will survive.
He Will not know that you ever were here.
Alright alright Arm gone ..Got it Like a reset!?
When that happens, go home. Leave.
- Hey, Slick! You coming? - Yeah! Alright.
Thanks man. Hey will I ever see you again?
Anythings possible.
Griff!
I can never bear to watch this part.
Armstrong and Aldrin are scheduled
to set foot on the moon early Monday morning.
Eastern daylight Time.
- Where's Griffin? - Doing his own thing.
Gentlemen!
This elevator will take you to the top To get Arc Net outside the atmosphere.
You need to strap it to the escape rocket, above the capsule.
You do not want to be anywhere near this rocket when it takes off.
Questions?
No. Thank you for everything, Colonel.
- Some job you got here. - Hey, thanks, thanks a lot bro!
What did Griffin show you back there.
He showed me how important you are.
You and your partner.
Hey look, if everything goes right the way we hope it does.
I'm probably going to get out of here pretty quick.
So I'm not going to have a chance to say a proper goodbye.
If things go wrong we're not going to have a chance to either
I guess win or lose this is it
I see why I recruited you.
You're a good man.
Good man.
Damn, what hell happened to you?
Told you it still hasn't happened yet.
- I'll take this one! - Naughty
You might want to get a pedicure if you get a second.
And lift off.
Passing 2 minutes to countdown.
And all still go.
Astronaut announce that it feels good power transfer is complete.
Neil Armstrong has just reported, that its been a real smooth countdown.
Hey! Boris can you give me a hand?
Hey! You hear me calling you?
Boris the animal! Hey! Boris the animal!
It's just Boris!
- You're gonna lose! - Lets agree to disagree.
Heeei! Boris the animal!
July 16th, 1969, 9:30
July 16th, 1969, 9:31
July 16th, 1969, 9:30.
- You're gonna lose! - Lets agree to disagree.
Hey! Boris the animal!
- That's not possible! - Lets agree to disagree.
It's not possible!
K!
I win! I'm better than me!
That's my partner! That's my partner.
If we call this in they'll scrub the launch.
I didn’t seen anything.
- Where's your partner? - He's back, he went home
- How does that work? - You got me
Come on.
Get down!
- Bingo! - Man that is some nest level stuff
If you want to see more,
I know a a top-secret organization that could use a man like you.
Wish I could.
- Thank you. - We'll see you around, K!
Look out!!!
Go ahead! Arrest me!
Not this time.
"Where there’s death there will always be death."
Daddy!! Daddy.
Hey! My name is K. Whats your name.
- James! - James! That’s a nice name.
Where's my Dad?
What have you got there? What is that?
My dad gave it to me.
Where is my Daddy?
He went to go do something. Very special.
And he wanted me to stay here and take care of his best pal.
When's he gonna be back?
He ...
James, if you look right here,
I will tell you the only thing, you ever need to know.
- Your Daddy is a hero! - My Daddy is a hero?
- Want to walk with me? - Yes.
James!
You're late.
Sorry. Lost track of time.
How do you know that song?
Drink your coffee! We got work to do.
What you know, and what do you don't know.
How the hell do I know what I don't know?
That's a really good question.
- Did we go to Wu's last night? - Yes.
- Boglodiates?. - Been thing for 40 years.
Perfect. Did We talked on the phone last night?
- You hung up on me. - Yeah, I did.
It was because of all those secrets the universe doesn't know about.
But I realized that last night was a long, long time ago.
And I really just want to say thank you, its been my.
It's been my privilege.
You know there is a really high possibility,
now that I might know some things you don't know
I doubt it.
Hey I bet I know what went down between you and Oh.
She's a very fine lady but you know the rules:
no fraternization between agents.
Well, I think I might have already fraternized a time or two.
This is my new favorite moment in human history.
Unless this is the one where K and forgot to leave a tip
I almost forgot.
That was a close one.
Sub edited and synced by : PEEAN91+ KRIEGHOFF